The Northern Plight

front page:
DEAF STUDENT SIGNS DIRTY JOKE, TRANSCENDS LANGUAGE BARRIER

local:
YOUTH PROF USES WORDS “POSTMODERN” AND “BONO” 88 TIMES IN ONE CLASS PERIOD

arts & entertainment:
NICKELBACK’S “ROCKSTAR” SLIPPED INTO WORSHIP SET-LIST, NO ONE NOTICES

business:
NCU ALUMNI STRUGGLING TO FIND REAL JOB WITH PUPPETEERING DEGREE

sports:
INTRAMURAL FLAG FOOTBALL GAME TAKEN WAY TOO SERIOUSLY

lifestyles:
PHILLIPPS 2ND FLOOR, ONLY REASON OLD NAVY IS STILL IN BUSINESS

technology:
ADDING ‘I’ BEFORE ANYTHING MAKES IT TRENDY: IE, IWORSHIP, IBIBLE, IJESUS

opinion:
“I KNOW HOW MUCH LOSING YOU PARENTS HURTS, I LOST MY BIKE ONCE.” -KENT MARPLES

A special thanks to a guest contributor on a few of these headlines.

TRASK WORSHIP CENTER, NORTH CENTRAL UNIVERSITY, MINNEAPOLIS, MN - In a surprise move no one expected, another North Central Music Performance major will release a worship music album. After several unsuccessful attempts at creating legitimate music, Senior Michael Salvinski plans on recording what he is calling, “an acoustic cross between U2 and Steven Curtis Chapman.”

Salvinski, who started writing music for music’s sake in high school while teaching himself guitar, first tasted worship music recognition at his high school youth group back home in Madison, WI where he gained popularity for being able to “play that guitar solo just like the Sonicflood version.” However, it wasn’t until Salvinski burned all of his non-Christian music at a youth group bonfire his junior year of high school, that he recognized the potential for Christian music stardom. “After I destroyed everything from my collection not produced by Sparrow Records, I discovered all sorts of Christian bands that copied the artists I’d liked before. There was a Christian version of Coldplay, Dave Matthews Band, and The Counting Crows.”

Salvinski’s unprecedented landmark decision, which is all the rage these days, came after an especially uplifting Sunday morning church service when Salvinski led the congregation in a rousing Hillsong ballad. “That’s when I realized it was much easier to play music for church audiences, since little things win them over. All you have to do is play with your eyes closed and improvise lyrics like ‘you are everything’ and ‘all I want is you.’

Salvinski’s new album, “God Is Higher” featuring hit single, “You Are Everything” is set to release next fall. - Woodward