The Northern Plight

It’s that time again. Spring College Days at NCU is upon us. So hide your Rated R movies and conceal your booze filled mini-fridge, it’s hosting high schoolers time. Here is a quick survival guide for both the attendees and college students on how to make the most of this wondrous weekend.

 Survival Tip #1- College Days is not about figuring out if you want to go to NCU. It is about figuring out if there is a member of the opposite sex pretty enough to make you come to NCU. (The chance that you will actually end up with that person is very slim, but don’t let that detour you from making the most impulsive and least cost effective decision of your life.)

Survival Tip #2- It is not your responsibility to babysit the High Schoolers who are forced to sleep in your dorm room. It is your responsibility to make them feel as uncomfortable as possible at all times. For instance, make up words and meanings to those words and use them with such frequency that the high schoolers start to use them too. (Words like Twaddle, Fuddle, or Grundel work wonders.)

Survival Tip #3- Making out should be your primary goal at College Days. If you are a high school male, plan on trying to make out with a college girl for the first few hours, then settling for a high school female after three or four rejections.

Survival Tip #4- If you plan on attending all the NCU sanctioned events, you should just plan on staying home. College Days is a time of freedom, unsolicited make out sessions, and bad choices derived from good intentions.

Survival Tip #5- If you sleep, you’ve wasted valuable time. If your an attendee, sleeping is wasting video game, flirting, eating, and meaningless socializing time. If you are a college student, sleeping is wasting video game, flirting, eating, meaningless socializing, and relentless pranking time. If you have a high school student that wakes up without BALLS, or a drawing of a penis on his face, you’ve fallen short of God’s plan for your life.

Survival Tip #6- Attendees: The excitement you feel towards NCU during these two days does in fact exist outside of the College Days bubble. It is referred to as Welcome Week and will quickly fade the first day of classes.

College Students: The disappointment you feel towards NCU during these two days does in fact exist outside of the College Days bubble. It is referred to as Every Other Day and won’t ever fade away.

Survival Tip #7- Anything that happens this weekend, or anyone you meet this weekend that seems to good to be true most likely is. For instance, he has oral herpes, she has a boyfriend that plays football, and everybody was actually laughing at you, not with you. Welcome to NCU!

Add you own Survival Tips in the comments…