NCU Altar Fed Up With Broken Promises
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA-The altar at NCU has been a place of repentance, grace, and mercy for the past 80 years. Accepting its role as the soaker up of tears, it has been a place that thousands of students have “rededicated” their lives to God. But this former platform for promises has announced that it is sick and tired of being simply a throne for lies.
“It wasn’t always this way.” The altar explains, “People used to actually change, now they just pour out their hearts, ask for forgiveness, then forget about everything on their way to lunch. I can’t carry this burden anymore.”
The altar doesn’t only blame the students. Also pointing the finger at chapel speakers, the worship band, and just a general decline in authenticity in the Christian culture. ”I’ve witnessed the most pathetic me calls ever.” The Altar continues, “This one missionary didn’t even call out specific issues. He just commanded everyone who had been hurt by their friends at some point to come down to me and pray. You’d think he was getting paid per response.”
The NCU altar has been joined by thousands of other Christian College and church altars all around the nation. All of them fed up with the overall increase in broken promises being spouted through tears of deceit. After witnessing the success of the Writers Guild of America strike, the altars intend to institute a strike of their own. They plan to picket outside of the AG Headquaters in Springfield, MO until their demand for honesty, integrity, and authenticity on the part of their patrons are met.
Woodward
Bernstein
Thursday, March 13, 2008 at 11:04 pm
hehe… “me calls”
Friday, March 14, 2008 at 9:28 am
Imagine a group of altars outside the A/G HQ with picket signs…
Saturday, March 15, 2008 at 8:21 am
Now, THIS article I like…thanks for that…well written…
Sunday, March 16, 2008 at 12:29 am
yeah, i also really liked this article as well! a lot of people do go to the altar and make promises to God, only to break them! i’ll even admit to being one of these people. i’m not proud of the way i’ve mistreated the altar in the past. i’m working on letting God change me permanently through the altar! i’m pretty sure i’m not the only one who’s working at it though. the christian culthure as a whole does need to work on authenticity though! there are authetic christian who are going after God with everything they have, and hopefully one soon day i’ll be able to put myself in that category.
Monday, March 17, 2008 at 12:33 am
What will we do in chapel without the altar? While he . . . she? or it? . . . is out protesting on the sidewalk against hypocrisy how are we to end our daily times together? Without the altar, the sanctuary will just become another performing arts theater . . . WAIT A MINUTE! On second thought, it doesn’t change a thing!