Chapel Powerpoint Guy: “Doing The Best I Can”
LOST SOMEWHERE BETWEEN SLIDE 3 AND POINT II, MINNEAPOLIS - Technology development has been a major focus at North Central University in the last few years but balancing what is necessary with what the school can actually pull off continues to be a struggle. In an effort to impress someone, anyone, North Central University has endeavored to incorporate increasingly complex and aimless visual technology into their chapel services. Both Powerpoint sermons and graphic images displayed during worship music have contributed to the nonsense and David Timmerman is the young man in charge of making it all happen.
“I don’t mean to get so far behind in the powerpoints during sermons, sometimes I just space out,” said Timmerman apologetically to reporters this morning when questioned about unimpressive visual presentations last week. “You’re in no position to complain. I’m the only guy around here willing to do this every week. You’re stuck with my incompetence.”
“When did it become necessary to have impressive visuals in order to have a fricking chapel service? That’s what I want to know.” Says NCU Senior and swearing without swearing expert Michael Price. “Seriously, it’s not like anyone’s life is getting changed by videos of candles behind the song words anyway. They’re just a distraction.”
But not everyone is critical of the half-hearted, thrown together, cheesy attempt at graphical relevance. NCU Chapel Spokesperson, Betsy Tolingsworth explains, “The church is locked into a bloody battle with MTV, VH1, Nickelodeon, and Star Wars, for the hearts and minds of the young people of this country. We need to prove our worship services are a mind-bending, edge of your seat thriller experience just like any other entertainment venue. Plus, we spent so much money on this stuff, we’re kind of stuck using it now.”
Lakewood Church Houston - Widely regarded as the best church ever.
And while many students do their best to ignore the stranger whose uplifted arms hang statically in lush green fields and grammatical errors such as “Jesus your my everything” and “god is bigger then the air I breathe,” David Timmerman trudges on, oblivious to the raging debate surrounding his bumbling antics. Timmerman proves to us all there’s no joke with timing he can’t screw up, and no video testimony he can’t delay starting to create an awkward pause. - WOODWARD
Woodward
Bernstein
Monday, November 5, 2007 at 6:01 pm
I’m confused as to whether we are talking about powerpoint’s during sermons or like the moving pictures behind worship lyrics. I think you should have mentioned spelling errors. Nothing is worse than nowing that God is love.
Monday, November 5, 2007 at 7:14 pm
He loves his computers eh? Well…. we all know what the internet is really for.
Is it ever going to get to the point where we just stop trying to fight to catch up in the technology race and give up instead letting the porn industry just take it? We can corner the market on bubble machines or something instead of wasting time, resources, and energy flailing around in the sinking sand that is modern technology.
Monday, November 5, 2007 at 7:21 pm
I was unhappy with this article and just rewrote it a bit. Thanks for the pointers Luke, i used your idea.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 9:33 am
So, hm. Interesting. Maybe yall should try running ‘power point’ for chapel. It’s not as easy as it looks. Keep in mind that the service is run by the ‘Holy Spirit’ and that the tech people and those who run power point are slaves to the worship leaders of the day - whether it be worship live or OA.
PS the power point people don’t like the moving backgrounds either - it’s the fine arts dept that orders those.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 9:35 am
Just a thought to throw out there.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 1:15 pm
You know, I think you should do media before complaining about it.
1. ITS NOT POWER POINT!!!!!!!!! its MediaShout.
2. Don’t drag people into your own ADD.
3. Stick you head up your butt and figure out life
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 1:22 pm
In my opinion media stuff in a church service is a lot like skydiving. Never do it unless you’re absolutely certain you can do it perfectly right.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 2:58 pm
People don’t know this about me, but Macho Man Randy Savage is quite the techy. Macho Man knows all about your floppy drives and vacuum tubes and hexidecimals. Yes, it is true.
Even Macho Man has take time to run both PowerPoint and MediaShout. And Macho Man has one thing to say about people like myself who run these programs for churches, youth groups, and WWE RAW:
We are all lazy bum-sniffers who would rather pick our noses than pay attention. It has nothing to do with competency. Heck, Mach Man could figure out how to change my monitor settings on my MacBook in just a matter of weeks. Nor, is it a matter of poor technology. PowerPoint is the epitome of modern science. It is simply that Macho Man am too busy checking out the ladies. Macho Man loves his godly woman.
All that being said, Macho Man loves moving backgrounds. In fact, Macho Man wishes that the backgrounds moved more. Is there anyway we could transpose the song lyrics over top Macho Man’s favorite movie: Bootylicious? That’s how Macho Man likes to worship.
So, Macho Man has one thing to say to all of you: Stop your whining and snap into a Slim Jim.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Speaking as someone who has worked with the media dept. for chapel, i think you need to get your facts straight. Most of the time, it isn’t our fault. If NCU were to give us decent equipment to work with, maybe then we could not ’screw up’ so much … because if everything worked right, the projectors wouldn’t freeze, the sound and lights would be great, and everyone would be sooooo happy. Only in a perfect little world will that happen though. I do find it funny though that NCU isn’t willing to get us new stuff to make chapel (something that is mandatory and is the major thing that our school functions around) better.
If you knew what happened everyday before chapel in the production room, you wouldn’t have written this article. First off, we never use power point except for a few powerpoints that some speakers use. We use media shout. Plus, if the words are screwed up, too bad!! Blame the music people who give us the songs 5 minutes before chapel starts or when they randomly add songs that they didn’t tell us they were going to sing. As for the moving backgrounds, not our fault- fine arts tells us what to use as backgrounds. If the screen freezes, blame IT! They won’t get us a new computer to run the program needed to show the words! Let’s see you try and run it- once you do, then you have all the right to complain. Until then, just leave us alone and let us do the best we can with what we are given.
If you have to put the blame on someone, put it on fine arts because that’s where all of our school’s money goes.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Macho Man wonders how expensive of equipment you need to run PowerPoint ‘95.
Don’t be a baby. Downgrade. And snap into a Slim Jim.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 4:06 pm
oh macho man, didnt you read? its media shout! lol…
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Macho Man read. Macho man said to downgrade back to PowerPoint ‘95.
Didn’t Bobby boy read?
Don’t be a fool. Stay in school. And snap into a Slim Jim.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 5:05 pm
I would prefer if you stopped snapping into me.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 6:33 pm
My satire is never meant to criticize anyone specifically. If you’re personally offended, I’m sorry, but this article simply isn’t about you. “Stop your whining, and snap into a slim jim.”
It’s pretty obvious that there are more than just one cause for NCU technological woes, but unfortunately operators catch most of the heat.
I can only speak from an audience’s perspective. Chapel doesn’t need to be a technofest. Let’s take the steps necessary to do it right or not do it at all.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Bob-FYI, you do have an almost brand new computer in that room.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Wow…
Chill out, everyone. You too Macho Man - although I must say I’ve always admired both your Slim Jims and your flamboyant cowboy hats. And you were good in Spiderman too.
In Woodward’s defense, the spelling does suck on the slides sometimes. In Bob’s defense, the fine arts department is trippy and I’ve caught several grammatical and spelling errors in some Northern Plight articles myself…
But Woodward hit it on the nose: chapel shouldn’t be a technofest (not that it is), and excuses only perpetuate the problems.
I only show up to Chapel about once or twice a week anyway…
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 9:51 pm
LOL
Of all the articles to get pissed about THIS is the one that merits debate?! wow…
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 11:20 pm
Well,
What I believe this is coming down to is a view of what each individual feels is necessary for a worship experience. That is why, there are so many types of worship services.
For me - I will say that I feel like a the media tools - light, sound, video - are a functional and in some cases necessary tool that should be used.
But others do not want to go to a church service that has me using all three of these. Great! Go to another service, or another church that doesn’t.
Media is just like the stories Jesus used - and the stain glass of the 16th century.
I don’t know why every one gets ticked over this. All I know is that God has directed me to use it in the ways that I am.
My last comment: “The 1980’s called. They want their service back!”
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 11:33 pm
Can someone provide the definition of SATIRE?
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 11:44 pm
sat·ire (sāt’īr’) Pronunciation Key
n.
1. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.
2. The branch of literature constituting such works. See Synonyms at caricature.
3. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.
“Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody’s face but their own”–Jonathan Swift
yeah, dictionary.com
View Woodward’s previous response for more details… we are not against media, we just wish that it wouldn’t serve as a distraction from the true meaning behind the service when things go awry, as they sometimes do.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 11:51 pm
can’t we all just get along?
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 12:15 am
Can someone provide the definition of “just get along?”
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 12:22 am
I lawled when Slim jim jumped in…nicely played Slim…nicely played.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 12:50 am
That’s Mr. Slim Jim to you, Pearly.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 10:04 am
great article. one that i’ve been longing to read. if interested, please consult the facebook group entitled, “i only know how to worship when the screen shows me how” or something like that. thank you northern plight…you are our only hope.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 12:45 pm
I thought Obi-Wan was our only hope….
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 3:42 pm
I understand Satire. however - it’s just something that’s come up recently in the department and the students are catching heat for things that aren’t their fault - and the students who do the most work are the ones who volunteer - and they get heat and random people stopping them about the words.
PS - what new computer is that that you are talking about Frank? Because I don’t know what you are talking about, becuase it doesn’t exist.
Satire is great, I am a supporter of the Northernlight, but put the be aware that those you write about aren’t necessarily the ones to write about. In other words - put the blame where it belongs not on someone else.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 3:43 pm
PS again Woodward - If Operators catch most of the heat? Why write more about them? Chapel is a techonfest becuase Fine Arts and Pastoral Department want that - complain to them not to the students who either have to do this for class, or do it to serve others becuase it has to be done anyway.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 4:18 pm
I expect by now that you realize that I am the most qualified to resolve most of the conflict that has occurred during the course of the past several days since this article has been posted.
I would first like to start by saying that I have discovered a new enemy in these past few days, an individual more despicable than Pearl Inez and even more frustrating than thoughtful, the so called, “Macho Man Randy Savage”.
I think there is still debate concerning who is at fault during the running of the “Slide Show” presentations. If you use media shout and admittedly use Power Point (I capitalize this, as it is superior to your less popular brand, for I support Microsoft), then a good neutral word should be “Slide Show”.
I would like to offer two viable scapegoats for such a problem, as I believe they are at this moment unrecognized.
1. The drummer on Stage. Do you see how much the projector goes out of focus just due to the demonic playing of the drum? I am convinced, though my proficient studying of sound waves, that this individual causes not only damage to the projector systems; but to the computer systems running the “Slide Show”.
2. Democrats. I have been listening to 100.3 KTLK recently. I have learned a great deal about the evil schemes that have driven this country to utter desolation, and I will tell you … it is not hard to believe that these Liberal scumbags may be implanting viruses into our computers to inhibit the worship of Jesus. It is obvious none of them can really be Christians (believing in abortion and all that), this comes from a desire to lead others away from God.
Of course the most logical blame, as we may know, would go to the operator of the “Slide Show” presentation. I will show evidence for this.
If the presentations have nearly always been faulty, the computers have nearly always glitched, and the preparation has nearly always been lack-luster … a logical man (I mean this in the metaphorical sense) would say, “Hey, this doesn’t work.”
Bob! Stop running the “Slide Show” when everything is ready, the service is about to start, begin screaming and smash the computer into pieces, reject the pattern of sub-par presentation … force them to do better.
… and … for heaven’s sake … never eat slim jims
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 4:22 pm
One other thing to clarify …
I am your only hope
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 6:49 pm
For once . . . Yoda is making sense with one exception. It is not the Democrats (unless they happen to play the drums), it has to be the Republicans. Aren’t they responsible for George W. ??? Haven’t you noticed the “Slide Shows” flicker during chapel? (Start the black helicopter sound track now) That is evidence that Homeland Security is “tapping” into our media system, changing the spelling of words and the order of slides to send secret messages out to secret operatives on campus. (Do you think that “nut job” with the protest signs on the corner in Elliot Park is really that crazy? It is all an elaborate hoax! He is really spying on us!) I think we would all spend our time more wisely if we took notes during chapel and tried to figure out the CODE!
As I sit here, with aluminum foil covering my head so the aliens can’t read my brain waves, I use this medium to urge everyone to pay close attention to the “Slide Shows.” They are trying to tell us something.
Perhaps that is what “Bob” is so upset about . . . he can’t tell us the truth, but he’s trying to warn us! It’s NOT anyone’s fault . . . it’s the SYSTEM!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 6:51 pm
True Story…
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Except for the part about the aluminum foil…. that movie reference is WAY out…. maybe thoughtful should take a few youth ministry courses and lrn2berelevant.
Also a quick list of other movies not to refer to:
Mean Girls
Star Wars
Thirteen
The Matrix
The Office (I know… not a movie)
and
The Passion of the Christ.
Thank you
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Again . . . part of the plan to distract us . . . Hmmm, are you an alien?
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 6:58 pm
What about a list of movies you should reference?
Saved
Zoolander
The DaVinci Code
Orange Country
any movie with Sarah Michelle Gellar
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 7:01 pm
I only approve the last grouping…
Zoolander almost makes the cut (except that every time I watch it I wanna puke)
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 7:02 pm
. . . definitely any Kevin Smith movie . . . oops! I’m not suppose to know that!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 7:09 pm
Heck yes! (thoughtful)
Dear friends, I urge you, as ALIENS and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your souls. 1 Peter 2:11
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 8:14 pm
“you are our only hope.”
indeed, obi-wan was referred to as the princess’ (and the rebellion’s) only hope, but the irony and foreshadowing of the statement lies within the jedi-padawan relationship of obi-wan and luke: even though the princess referred to obi-wan as her only hope, the development of the whiny character of luke skywalker turned him into the only hope for the rebellion.
thank you, northern plight, for being our voice of reason within the more-twisted-than-we-may-like-to-admit community that is NCU.
“you are our only hope.”
Thursday, November 8, 2007 at 2:24 am
“I am filled with Christ’s Love!” *throws bible*
Thursday, November 8, 2007 at 3:44 am
“Perhaps that is what “Bob” is so upset about . . . he can’t tell us the truth, but he’s trying to warn us! It’s NOT anyone’s fault . . . it’s the SYSTEM!”
So true.
Friday, November 9, 2007 at 1:14 am
The Northern Plight has a lot of talent. This is the best thing since the Swimsuit Issue of the Pentecostal Evangel. BTW, what is the Northern Light doing these days?
Friday, November 9, 2007 at 10:17 am
the northern light is hiding in the corner after thier last issue.
Friday, November 9, 2007 at 12:31 pm
It changed it’s name to The Northerner to separate itself from from a few rough patches and shifty editors it had in the last fews years.