Pre-Class Prayer Requests “Just Getting Ridiculous”
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA - Wednesday morning, Natasha Wringer of Minneapolis, asked the professor of her Business Law class at North Central University if he could pray for yet one more obscure relative dying of some form of cancer. This is not an isolated event. The school has been teeming lately with seemingly pointless prayer requests and praise reports.
Junior Tyler Discarppo comments, “It’s just getting ridiculous, I swear some people have more kids in their youth group dying in car accidents than I have friends on Facebook… which is a lot.”
Opening class periods with a time of prayer has been a commonplace occurrence at North Central since the school was founded. The rise in soft-core prayer requests has most social-scientists crediting a lack of sincerity and vulnerability among students.
One social-scientist concludes. “The students are deflecting attention from issues that really need prayer like masturbation, pornography, consumption of alcohol, premarital sex, etc; and instead offering up prayer for things as general and benign as “The kids out trick or treating on Halloween” or “My boyfriend’s second cousin once removed’s best friend’s dad, who stapled his thumb to a birdhouse he was making.”
The only feasible outcome of such deflective prayers is the unavoidable backlash from God. In which one of two things will happen. Either God will simply answer all of the ridiculous diversion prayer requests; thus leaving only sincere and relevant ones. OR. God will introduce a simple shock-therapy treatment, where every time someone issues an irrelevant request they will feel a powerful shock of electricity run through their spinal chord.
I can only ask that the people of the world come together and pray that we will figure out what option God will choose… sooner than later. Ouch! Nevermind.
-BERNSTEIN
Woodward
Bernstein
Thursday, November 1, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Would you please pray for me? I think I’m losing my salvation while reading the Northern Plight!
Thursday, November 1, 2007 at 9:44 pm
I think i need prayer i’m supposed to be writing a paper that is due at 7:45 tomorrow morning and instead i am eating from the bowl of left over halloween candy and reading the plight…that has to be some sort of a sin…oh nad my best friend’s, mother’s, sister’s, cousin’s, boyfriend has an infection under his big toe.
Friday, November 2, 2007 at 1:04 am
Ok … this time you have gone way to far. I could take it when you commented poorly on Oneaccord, I could take it when you made those … seemingly unkind remarks to our missionary in residence, I could even take reading Pearl Inez’s occasional comments about only God knows what … but when you take PRAYER OUT OF THE SCHOOLS … you take God out of the heart of what we educate!
Do you have no accountability anymore? Dont you at least censor some of these articles by some of the teachers in the department to make sure that they wont offend too deeply? The reason I keep coming back time after time is because of the profound spiritual maturity that each of the teachers has when they ask the simple question … “what requests of God do you have today?” It is this bedrock of asking God for what we want that is crucial to our American way.
To take prayer requests out of the schools … is not only ungodly … it’s unamerican … and frankly, terroristic.
I would request that you stop writing such sick articles … and do not permit Pearl to write another word here … actually if you could find some way to ban her completely from humanity that would be fine.
-The Yoda
Friday, November 2, 2007 at 2:54 pm
You CAN take prayer out of the schools (The Supreme Court has demonstrated that!), but can you really TAKE PRAYER REQUESTS OUT OF THE SCHOOL?
Friday, November 2, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Yoda, Yoda. Yoda… or should I say Frank Oz!!! haha, your true identity has been revealed!
Friday, November 2, 2007 at 3:43 pm
hey don’t take your anger out on me!
Saturday, November 3, 2007 at 11:40 am
Inane prayer requests are one thing, but I’ve heard some incredibly awkward requests too. Two years ago, a girl asked my class to pray for her boyfriend who “was struggling with impure thoughts.”
Sunday, November 4, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I had an impure thought once . . . but it passed!
Sunday, November 4, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I had a prayer request once too . . . it passed also!
Sunday, November 4, 2007 at 6:15 pm
I had bad mexican food yesterday . . . it . . . you get the idea!
Monday, November 5, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Thoughtful,
Your name is deceptive.
- Yoda
Monday, November 5, 2007 at 7:20 pm
Yoda
Deceptive also your name is… Hermmmm….
Monday, November 5, 2007 at 7:53 pm
Yoda,
you’re so silly! I like this article <3
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 7:55 pm
No Matt, I am not silly.
There are people in this world that simply shouldn’t exist, Thoughtful and Pearl are some of these types of people. For all intensive purposes they are a family of mistaken individuals. You decide to reveal your name, however, I have never met you; not do I desire to meet a person who reveals their name in a satirical blog. I believe that a name should be created in order for one to hide their real self for the substitution of the “realized” self.
You, Matt, have failed in this regard, where at least the proverbial family created names in this regard.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Speak in character Yoda should
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 11:25 pm
Yo”da” you seem to thi”n”k that individuals “sho”uld hid”e” behind “make”-believe characters. This seems to create the mistaken notion that true character is somehow hidden as well.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 12:48 pm
my brain hurts
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 1:41 pm
“all intensive purposes” or “all intents and purposes”?…
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 6:20 pm
I’m supposed to hide behind a fake name? That isn’t me, can’t do it. I am thankful though that my SYS THEO class prayed for my sick Mom this Tuesday. No sarcasim intended.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 6:52 pm
There are “secret messages” afoot!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 6:57 pm
I miss NCU pre-class prayer tbqh.
Now I actually have to go to the elders and prayer counselors at my church for prayer (And really, who wants to go to all that trouble??)
Thursday, November 8, 2007 at 2:34 am
‘h’ehe ‘i’ like’ to sen’d’ mess’a'ges through haiku poems but this is way more ‘d’elightful.
Thursday, November 8, 2007 at 5:39 pm
“s”neaky “o”ne “you” are! “Figure” how the co”d”e m”i”gh”t” show y”ou” who migh”t” be who!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007 at 10:26 pm
“i” know this post is old but I “figured” I should stop “i”n “t”o” say hi to the em”u” (no”t” emo) drama-star”t”ers. “Oo”h la l”a”…. secret “m”essages ARE afoot! “I”nterest”in”g…”?”
Monday, December 10, 2007 at 10:06 am
yeah … im dumb.